Weird Weddings

Alright, who hasn't been to a crazy, strange, weird wedding? The very idea of weddings is kind of bizarre if you think about it. A bunch of people getting together to celebrate two people who have chosen to sign a document together, mash up all their money and spend every single day waking up to that person for the rest of their lives! So sure, what better way to celebrate than to get dressed up, watch a five-minute ceremony (unless your Catholic, then it's an hour--that's a whole other post..), then get smashed, shovel cake into your mouth and dance to Shout! (A little bit softer now! A little bit softer now!). Don't get me wrong, I love weddings! I plan on having one myself and doin all sorts of weird stuff at it. I am lucky enough to be going to my cousin Laurie's wedding in Dallas this weekend, and let me tell you, I am beyond excited to see how Texas does weddings. But before we get into a whole other conversation of weird, lets take a moment to examine the strange, strange traditions of the American wedding...

1. Wedding Cake ahh the wedding cake. The scrumptious centerpiece that brides are willing for fork over thousands of dollars for. Talk about a strange tradition! Why on earth do we spend incredible amounts of money on something that is going to be cut up, distributed to a bunch of people- half of which we probably don't even know, and then gone forever? And those creepy cake toppers? Ahh and lets not forget about that creepy top layer that the bride and groom will save forever getting crusty in their freezer because they'll forget to eat it their first anniversary...and second...and third...Essentially, the wedding cake is a hungry monster in which to throw money into. If you paid me a couple thousand dollars, I would be your wedding cake, frosting and all!

2. Tossing the flowers Please, let me gather all my lady friends and have them wait with baited breath while I proceed to blindly pummel them with my hugely expensive flower arrangement! I mean, who doesn't want to get smacked across the faces with some calla lilies and then have some creepy guy take a garter off your leg with his teeth? Eww, enough said.

3. Ushers Ok come on...I can find my seat by myself, you're only here because the bride and groom forgot to put you in the wedding party. Bride or grooms side? Forget it, I'm parkin in the aisle.

4. Open Bars Truly the creme de la creme of a fancy wedding- only a very loving (and loaded) bride and groom will provide you with this service. They're trying to thank you for sitting through their boring ceremony by gettin ya sauced enough to do the funky chicken and other awkward, forced community dances...do yourself a favor- once you hit the bar, stay there.

5. Honeymoon Because after I've spent thousands of dollars on a wedding, all I want to do is shovel out more money to go lay on a beach...ahhh, isn't it relaxing to think about your savings washing away like the tides? Why is it that we feel we deserve a vacation after a wedding? You sat on your butt planning for like two years, so now you get a trip? Huh? I've been in college working my butt off for four years, do I get a trip? No, I get to move back in with my parents...

I could go on and on, but I will spare you dear readers. Weddings are tons of fun, maybe because of the dancing, definitely because of the drinking, and sometimes because of the people you meet- but weddings are always weird. Strange traditions never die, and I am pleased to tell you that I will be posting a slideshow of all the strange and lovely things I experience this weekend at my cousin's wedding...get excited, I'll be hunting for strange.